Have you ever visited a site where the words felt warm, friendly, and full of personality – but the images looked stiff, generic, or completely mismatched? It creates confusion, even if the reader cannot pinpoint why, something just feels off. That’s because your brand isn’t just what you say – it’s what people see and feel too.
A strong brand is built on consistency. When your copy and imagery work together, your message feels cohesive, authentic and trustworthy. Every element – from your tone of voice to your visual style – should tell the same story.
Matching your voice to your visuals
As I photographer, I see this all the time. Someone will invest in incredible copy that captures who they are perfectly, but then rely on old headshots or stock photos that don’t reflect the same energy. The result? A disconnect that weakens the message.
Other businesses have beautiful photos but outdated or unclear messaging. This conflict weakens the overall impact – your audience can’t connect with a mixed message.
Consistency matters
Why does consistency matter? Consistency builds trust and recognition.
Your clients may need to have experienced numerous interactions with you before they feel ready to buy from you. It’s important, therefore, that each and every touch point needs to make them feel as though they are getting to know you.
They may visit your website on numerous occasions prior to making a decision so it’s important that your message feels aligned, cohesive and credible.
When you do align the two? Your business feels instantly more professional and trustworthy. Your images will reinforce your words and not conflict with them and most importantly your personality will shine through without feeling forced.
Your marketing will actually become easier because you will have a clear message where every element feels connected.
How to get started
That probably all makes perfect sense, but where on earth do you start?
Start with your brand personality. How do you want to make people feel when they work with you? If your tone of voice is calm and confident, think soft colours and natural lighting. If it’s bold and empowering, move more towards strong colours and striking backgrounds.
Invite your photographer and copywriter to work collaboratively with you, by involving your experts from the outset you can build something truly cohesive.
If you follow Kirsty on social media, you might have already seen how beautifully Kirsty demonstrates all of this in her own marketing. The images I created for her sit perfectly alongside her copy – each post feels polished yet genuine, with the images reinforcing her warmth and brilliant sense of humour! It’s a great example of how photography and copy can work hand in hand to tell one cohesive story and build real connection with an audience.
Using photography to bring your words to life creates a consistent, memorable brand. Why not revisit your own website to see how well your images reinforce your copy? If your images don’t yet reflect the story your words are saying (or vice versa!), maybe it’s time to update them.
About Julie
Julie Grant is a brand and headshot photographer who helps creative business owners feel confident showing up online. She specialises in capturing the personality, quality, and care behind each brand — creating imagery that tells your story and connects with your audience.
Starting a business means taking a leap of faith—and I know, sometimes it feels like jumping off a cliff with nothing but a homemade parachute and a prayer!
There’s an excitement that comes with every new beginning. When launching a business, the early days are charged with ideas, optimism, and the sense that anything is possible. You have to believe in the future even when there are no guarantees of success. This initial enthusiasm is a precious resource—it drives us to dream bigger, work harder, and believe in the vision.
New Business Energy
In tarot, The Fool card perfectly captures this energy. Picture him stepping off that cliff, bag over his shoulder, completely optimistic and without a care in the world. Some people see The Fool as reckless, but I see exactly the self-belief we need when starting out in business. That willingness to take a leap of faith and trust we have the skills to face any challenges on the way to lucrative business success.
This early enthusiasm isn’t just motivational; it’s practical. It fuels long hours, creative problem-solving, and the resilience needed when obstacles inevitably appear. The very best ideas and most daring leaps often happen in these initial stages, powered by the buzz of a new start.
But (oh, there’s always a but)—as any seasoned business owner will tell you, this rush of energy doesn’t last forever. The Ace of Cups in tarot shows a cup full and spilling over with potential and creativity. The question is: how do we keep this enthusiasm topped up over the long term?
Keeping the enthusiasm topped up
As weeks roll on, routines settle, and inevitable challenges arise, that spark can flicker. Even those closest to us start questioning whether we’re doing the right thing (thanks for the vote of confidence, Mum!). Over time, initial excitement may be hit by setbacks, fatigue, or the grind of daily tasks. The passion that once seemed endless can fade, and it’s easy to feel isolated or stuck.
This is where the support of others becomes vital. It’s important to look after our own needs by recharging regularly and surrounding ourselves with other business owners—people who actually understand what it’s like to lie awake at 3 am doubting yourself.
Even the most self-reliant entrepreneurs need collaborators, mentors, and cheerleaders. Whether it’s a business partner sharing the load, a mentor offering perspective, or a network of peers empathising with your struggles, supportive relationships are essential to sustain enthusiasm.
Reality check
Here’s a reality check: your competitor has finance, sales, marketing, and operations departments. You? You’ve got yourself, a laptop, a packet of biscuits and a kettle on overdrive. Reaching out for external support isn’t a failure—it’s common sense and a necessity for any business looking to grow.
We’re good, but we can’t be great at everything! That’s where other skilled professionals are needed, they form the support network that can reignite your passion, offer new solutions, and remind you of your “why”.
How I help as a facilitator
As a facilitator, my role is to help you harness the energy of a new start and sustain it throughout your journey. I create spaces where ideas can be explored openly, where challenges are reframed as opportunities, and where your enthusiasm is both celebrated and renewed.
Oh, and I bring something a bit different to the table—tarot cards. Before you roll your eyes, hear me out! I use them as creative prompts that add playfulness and disrupt you out of outdated patterns of thinking – no fortune telling. They’re brilliant for exploring new ideas and approaching challenges from fresh angles.
Through structured workshops or brainstorming sessions, I help you: • Clarify your vision and set achievable goals • Identify and leverage your strengths as well as areas for growth • Build and maintain supportive networks • Develop strategies for overcoming obstacles • Keep your passion for your business alive, even when the going gets tough.
A facilitator is not just a guide but a catalyst for growth.
New beginnings are exhilarating, but lasting success comes from nurturing that excitement over time. With the right people by your side—whether that’s skilled professionals like Kirsty, fellow entrepreneurs who get it, or a facilitator to guide the way—your business can thrive beyond its promising start.
Remember, The Fool may look like he’s stepping into the unknown, but he’s got everything he needs for the journey. And so do you—especially when you’re smart enough to build a support squad around you.
Find out more
Sophie Dyer – Thinking Partner. I remind business owners of the value of stopping work and stepping back to think more strategically. I’m a facilitator and creative thinking partner working with business owners and leaders who know they are capable of more.
Let’s skip the preamble: you know marketing matters, otherwise you wouldn’t be here.
The challenge isn’t motivation for most small business owners, it’s too many ideas and a massive lack of bandwidth. You have a creative brain bursting with brilliant ideas and a to-do list that could crush a small horse. If you have a marketing plan at all, it’s probably buried under drifts of client notes, half-written blog posts, and last month’s receipts.
So how do you keep your marketing on track without falling into the trap of overthinking, overcommitting, or quietly resenting the whole thing? Here are a handful of simple strategies to plan your marketing when you’ve no time and a gazillion ideas.
Make a decision, choose a direction, and crack on
Does your business need a five-part funnel, a 12-month roadmap, or another idea? Probably not. All you really need is a decision and a direction.
Let’s make this easy; start by picking one simple goal. Make a cuppa, take a breath, and reflect on what’s most important to your business right now. Don’t overthink it, if you’re overwhelmed with priorities, pick one of these (only one, don’t be greedy!):
More leads
More visibility
More trust
More sales
Next you need a direction, so ask yourself: “What’s the simplest way I can move forward with the time I’ve actually got?”
If your answer involves a colour-coded vision board, a spreadsheet, and three new platforms, you’re definitely overcomplicating! Find the straightest, smoothest path and take that first step.
Stop trying to be everything everywhere all at once
Give yourself a break. You can’t be on Instagram, write a blog, send weekly emails, post daily on LinkedIn, and still have a life. And that’s completely fine. The idea that you should be everywhere is utter nonsense.
What’s more, your customers aren’t necessarily everywhere either. So, pick one or two places where you know for a fact that your ideal clients hang out and meet them there.
Finally, work to your strengths. How do you naturally communicate? Always start by using the format that comes easiest. Write if you write. Talk if you talk. Show up consistently and say something useful. That’s it.
Reuse, repurpose, recycle
If you’ve been in business longer than six months, you’ve already said something worth repeating. Don’t be giving me that look! Yes you have.
The internet is a flighty beast with the attention span of a forgetful gnat. No one remembers your blog post from last May, but that doesn’t mean your content isn’t still useful and relevant.
So go back. Dig out the good stuff. Update it. Reshare it. Say it again, better. Turn it into a caption. Or a tip. Or a short video. Don’t create from scratch every single time… unless you want to and have time to spare and a full marketing team to support you and an endless budget. No? Then reuse, repurpose, recycle.
Build a rhythm, not a calendar
You honestly don’t need a minutely detailed content marketing plan. A rhythm that helps you think less and post more is going to get your marketing wheels rolling much faster and with far less stress.
Here’s one simple content framework that works:
Monday: something helpful and informative
Wednesday: something about what you offer (yes, it’s a sales post, get over it!)
Friday: something real and human that connects you to your audience (a win, a learning, a behind-the-scenes glimpse)
If that all feels too prescriptive for you, ignore it. The point is to reduce decision-making and build your marketing muscle memory. Marketing shouldn’t be a daily puzzle.
Published not perfect
Perfectionism is brilliant for legal contracts and brain surgery. It’s rubbish for marketing. You’re not editing Vogue. You’re a person running a small business. Your audience wants clarity, integrity, and relevance, not flawless graphics and poetic captions.
Write something useful. Hit publish. Move on.
Need a second brain on your marketing?
If the thought of marketing your business just makes you feel tired, let’s talk. At Davison & Brain Digital, we help small business owners turn brainfuzz into a clear plan. No jargon. No nonsense. Just thoughtful digital strategy that fits you and the way you actually work.
Hands up, who has created a content plan for 2025?
If you have, you may be feeling quietly smug, safe in the knowledge that you know exactly what content you will create every week for the next month, six months, or even year.
Having such a plan in place is undoubtedly a great achievement, but without a communications strategy, you will likely miss a trick.
A content plan is not the same as a communications strategy. Yes, they’re related, but one without the other is like baking a cake without a recipe—you might end up with a cake, but it won’t be as light, airy and tasty as it could be.
Starting at the end
I often find the best way to think about strategy is to consider how you will know if your content plan is successful.
What are you going to measure?
Often, clients will say things like ‘awareness.’
Awareness of what? By whom? Where? When? With what message?
If you don’t have the answers to those questions, you could well be generating content for the sake of it.
What is a communications strategy?
Think of it as the big-picture plan that defines why you’re communicating, who you’re talking to, what you want them to do, and how you’ll measure success. It’s your guide to every piece of content, every campaign, and every conversation.
Why Isn’t a Content Plan Enough?
Here’s a scenario I see all the time. A business has a fabulous content plan. Posts are going out daily. The captions are witty, the graphics are slick, and the engagement is… well, it’s fine. But when I ask, “What’s the goal of all this?” I’m often met with blank stares or vague responses like, “To build awareness” or “To sell more.”
That’s where the problem lies. Without a strategy, your content is likely disjointed, inconsistent, or aimed at the wrong audience. You’re busy posting but not necessarily moving closer to your business goals. A strategy ensures every piece of content has a purpose, fits into the bigger picture, and helps you achieve measurable results.
Strategy First, Tactics Second
Imagine you’re planning a road trip. The content plan is your playlist, snacks, and stops along the way. But the communications strategy is the route you’re taking, the destination you’re heading to, and the map you’ll use to get there. Without it, you’re just driving in circles, hoping to stumble upon something interesting.
A good communications strategy answers these key questions:
Who are you talking to? Your audience isn’t “everyone.” Narrow it down. Are you speaking to busy parents, eco-conscious millennials, or CEOs juggling a million priorities?
What do you want them to do? Maybe it’s subscribing to your newsletter, booking a consultation, or changing their behaviour. Be specific.
Why should they care? This is where your messaging comes in. What problem are you solving, and why are you the best person to solve it?
How will you reach them? This is where the content plan comes in. Social media, email, blogs, videos—these are your tools, not your strategy.
How will you measure success? Metrics matter. Are you tracking clicks, sign-ups, sales, or something else? Without data, you’re flying blind.
Real-Life Example
Let’s say you run a boutique fitness studio. You might have a content plan that includes daily Instagram posts, weekly blog updates, and monthly email newsletters. Great! But without a strategy, your efforts might look like this:
Posting motivational quotes that don’t resonate with your audience.
Writing blogs about general fitness tips that don’t showcase what makes your studio unique.
Sending emails that don’t align with your upcoming promotions.
With a strategy, however, everything changes. You decide your target audience is busy professionals who want quick, effective workouts. Your key message becomes, “Fitness that fits your schedule.” Now, your Instagram posts focus on time-saving exercise tips, your blogs highlight success stories from working professionals, and your emails promote lunchtime express classes. See the difference?
The Benefits of a Communications Strategy
Here’s what a solid strategy can do for your business:
Clarity: You’ll know exactly what to say, to whom, and why.
Consistency: Your messaging will be cohesive across all channels, building trust with your audience.
Efficiency: No more wasting time on content that doesn’t serve your goals.
Impact: Every piece of communication will move you closer to your business objectives.
Creating a communications strategy doesn’t have to be daunting. Start by revisiting your business goals. Then, think about your audience and what they need from you. Outline your key messages and choose the channels where your audience spends time. Finally, set measurable objectives so you can track your progress.
If you take the time to map out your strategy, your content will work harder and deliver results that meet your objectives, helping your business flourish and grow.
As we are on the countdown to the holidays, we are all swept up in the magic of Christmas: the lights, the food, the traditions, and, of course, the celebrations. But what happens when the usual celebrations don’t quite resonate with everyone in your family? What if your version of Christmas looks a little different than the norm, or you’re navigating the busy, sometimes stressful, juggling act of family life?
This Christmas, let’s explore how language can shape your holiday experience, creating an environment where everyone feels seen, heard, and celebrated — no matter what that celebration looks like.
Why Language Matters During the Holidays
Language is more than just words; it’s a powerful tool that shapes our thoughts, influences our emotions, and ultimately transforms our relationships. During Christmas, we often have an ideal of what Christmas “should” look like. These expectations can bring joy — or frustration — depending on how aligned we are with the way we communicate about them.
When we speak to ourselves and others in a way that reflects compassion, understanding, and flexibility, we allow space for personal expression and connection. This Christmas, language can do much more than just define your celebrations—it can redefine them to meet the needs of everyone in your family.
Creating a Celebration That Works for Everyone
We’re all different. As individuals, we have different ideas about what makes Christmas special. Some of us thrive on tradition, while others prefer a more relaxed or unique celebration. Parents may have specific ideas of how they want to enjoy their break, while children may wish to explore different aspects of Christmas, from Santa to crafts to family games.
This is where language becomes a game-changer. When we communicate with understanding and empathy, we open the door to creating a holiday that shares every family member’s vision. Instead of assuming that everyone must enjoy the same things in the same way, we can use language to express openness and curiosity, helping each person feel heard.
Here are a few ways you can use language to make your Christmas feel more inclusive, joyful, and less stressful:
Speak with Intentionality: Instead of saying, “We always do this on Christmas,” try, “How would you like to celebrate today?” This simple shift in language invites conversation and gives everyone a voice in shaping the experience.
Encourage Flexibility: Language that allows for change and flexibility can ease the pressures of trying to “do it all.” For example, “We might do this differently this year” or “Let’s try something new this Christmas” create an environment where it’s okay to let go of rigid traditions and make space for what feels right in the moment.
Model Positive Communication: The way we speak to our families — especially during stressful moments — sets the tone for the entire Christmas experience. For instance, if something goes wrong, instead of saying, “Why can’t we get it right?” try “Let’s figure out how to make this work together.” These small shifts in language promote calm, cooperation, and shared problem-solving.
Solving Common Problems with Language This Christmas
Christmas celebrations can be full of challenges. From managing different expectations to handling family dynamics, the potential for stress can feel overwhelming. Language offers an incredible solution to some of the most common issues that arise:
Managing Expectations: Sometimes, the pressure to have a “perfect” holiday can cause anxiety and disappointment. By discussing realistic expectations early on, families can avoid frustration. For example, using phrases like, “We may not get everything done, and that’s okay” can alleviate stress and promote a sense of calm.
Preventing Misunderstandings: Language is also key in preventing misunderstandings. A lot of tension during the Christmas period comes from unspoken assumptions. Instead of assuming everyone wants to follow the same routine, ask, “What would make this day special for you?” A little curiosity can go a long way in preventing conflict and ensuring everyone feels valued.
Fostering Connection: During the Christmas period, we can become so focused on the “to-do” list that we forget to check in with one another. Asking questions like, “How are you feeling today?” or “What would make you smile right now?” encourages emotional openness, helping families bond in ways that are deeper than just Christmas tasks.
Reducing Stress: With so much to juggle — presents, meals, travel, and family visits — stress is almost inevitable. The good news is that language can help you stay grounded. Instead of “I don’t have enough time!” try, “What’s the most important thing I need to focus on today?” This shift helps you prioritise and stay present, reducing anxiety and increasing overall Christmas enjoyment.
A Better Christmas for All
Language isn’t just a tool for communication — it’s the bridge that connects us to the ones we love. This Christmas, embrace the power of language to create a celebration that reflects your family’s unique needs and desires. Whether you’re a parent trying to balance your children’s excitement with the demands of Christmas expectations, or someone looking for a way to bring more peace and joy to your home, the way you speak can transform your experience.
By speaking with intention, openness, and flexibility, you can make this Christmas one that’s not only unforgettable but also stress-free. You have the power to create your own version of Christmas, and it all begins with the words you choose to use.
This Christmas, create an environment where everyone feels included, celebrated, and truly heard. Through the power of language, your celebrations can be as unique as your family, and that’s the greatest gift of all.
From my unique house to yours, Wishing you and your loved ones a warm, happy, and language-filled Christmas!
I had this food photography idea pre-pandemic and had just ordered ‘the’ dining table (to photograph on) when lockdown hit; so, I don’t even have that as an excuse! Looking back, it seems quite a strange thing to do. I wasn’t a food photographer, food writer or a chef; I just loved food. I do recall I was very open to finding something creative that was for myself. Being a wedding, event and commercial photographer, I found very enjoyable, however where did I really fit into it? I was always aware my creative soul needed more, and I needed to find myself somewhere in my creative practice.
A significant part of my photography workflow was sharing my client images on social media. I love my own work and quite simply wanted to show it off. I would share funny stories about working with clients and took the writing of this very seriously. Over years and years, I was writing more and more as it was also a valuable part of my marketing. I approached a lot of work with good humour to make my posts a little more personal, engaging and fun to read. I always felt social media needed livening up a little.
The cookbook
When I started taking and sharing snaps of my food with my phone, I utilised my writing skills that I hadn’t really acknowledged I had. I saw it as a fun thing that I did, but the idea that I could be considered a ‘writer’ was a totally alien concept. I literally just grabbed by book and sat it next to me now to remind myself that I did actually write a book. My name is Matt, I wrote a cookbook, and I am a food writer. I spent a good while in the 4.5 years it took me to publish the book to own ‘food writer’, and annoyingly; I am still a little detached from it. Please don’t shoot the messenger, I am just conveying the tedious facts!
Over the course of this project, my approach became:
Obsess over the recipe. This could be hours, days, months or years.
Make a mental plan of action to ensure that the outcome was pleasing (I’d say I had a 90-95% success rate. The 5-10% miss days were not very pleasing).
Cook the food.
Set the scene to photograph usually on my dining table but could be anywhere. This mainly involved ceramics, boards, and vintage cutlery.
Style the food.
Obsessively photograph the food.
Eat the food (which was always secondary, so often it blew my mind how incredible a cook I had become).
Sit down comfortably and reflect on the whole mad and sweaty but joyous experience and tell the story with delicious words.
Getting the cookbook out there
The bringing together of the project to publish came with challenge after challenge. The design element I found utterly excruciating, but now is not the time to delve any further into that subject. If I am totally honest, I didn’t think I could pull it off. I genuinely wanted to see how deep in myself I was willing to dig. I sold the idea to myself (and subsequently the Kickstarter campaign) in the form of ‘is it worth following your dreams?’. Being a romantic at heart, I knew that I would NEVER say no to that question. If the answer is no, what is the point in being? I basically tricked myself into pulling the impossible out of a hat.
In the months before I launched my Kickstarter campaign, I was at the doctors with severe anxiety and as if by magic, ADHD landed hard on my lap. It totally blew my mind and explained a lot, but certainly didn’t put me off. I needed to get this book over the finish line no matter the cost. In my new neurodiverse world, this project had become a wild, yet nourishing hyperfocus.
In hindsight, would I do this project again? One hundred percent I would! Would I recommend others doing such a thing? I’m not sure I would like that on my conscience to be honest.
Finally, I dare you to ask yourself: ‘Is it worth following your dreams?’
As someone who found out he had ADHD aged 41, I’ve spent my life trying to live as a neurotypical and wondering why the advice given by society has never worked for me.
Because of this, people with ADHD often feel like they are failing. I guarantee that if you find it frustrating working with a person with ADHD, they are finding it three times more frustrating!
With that in mind, here are five things I wish were more understood about people with ADHD. One note: every person with ADHD is different. These may not apply to everyone with ADHD. As with any individual, make sure you talk to them about their personal needs and never make assumptions.
We need to know why
If you ask us to do something, you’ll need to explain why. We’re not being obstructive; it helps us understand the bigger picture. We have an insatiable need for understanding, and by giving us this information, you will also allow us to work out alternative routes to the goal – which may well help you improve your processes.
Our working methods are not the same as yours
We don’t work in a linear fashion. A motivated neurotypical person, given a task and a deadline, will work steadily on the task until the deadline approaches.
People with ADHD can often seem to be procrastinating. Truth be told, sometimes we are. But more likely is that we’re using this time to work out a path to the goal in our heads.
This can manifest in the form of the person seemingly “not working”—spending time away from our desks, browsing on our phones, and making infinite cups of tea. As crazy as it may seem to a neurotypical person, this is part of our process. Most of us don’t understand why (oh, the irony!), but as long as this process isn’t interrupted, I promise you that we will get it done!
We may also need very specific working conditions. Some will need silence and space, others will prefer to have background noise and people around them. Providing the correct working environment will optimise our ability to work productively.
We need a deadline
In part because of our working methods, we always need a deadline. I finished writing one of my stand-up shows literally 20 minutes before I took to the stage to perform. This is standard for me.
A task without a hard deadline will never be completed. A soft deadline (“just get it to me when you’re ready”) isn’t a deadline. It’s optional.
This isn’t a conscious thought for us; it just happens. We find it as frustrating as you. Give us a deadline and some accountability, and you’ll get a finished product.
We’re not being lazy
People with ADHD are motivated by four factors: interest, challenge, novelty and urgency. If the task you’ve given us isn’t interesting or novel to us, then even if it’s challenging, the only motivating factor is urgency – hence the need for a deadline.
We’re generally not motivated by money or targets. I’m someone with a strong sense of responsibility towards others, and this can be either a motivating factor (if I’m interested in what I’m doing and/or the end goal) or a cause of stress and anxiety if I’m not.
Either way, we’re not being lazy—we suffer from something called executive dysfunction, which means that our brains will not allow us to do something if we’re not motivated by at least one of the four factors.
We can solve problems before you’ve even noticed them
Our biggest strength is that we can see into the future. We have this seemingly psychic ability to foresee bumps in road maps and to predict problems well before they occur. Rather than dismissing our concerns as negativity, a better idea is to talk these concerns through with us to a) make sure that we have a full understanding of the project in hand and b) help us come up with workarounds for these issues.
Guy Walsh is a neurodivergent multipotentialite and an empathetic distributor and is available to speak at events. Find out more at https://aguynamedguy.co.uk/speaker/
The title is a little cheeky. My reaction to people telling me I could make so much more money if I worked more hours.
I nodded, then ignored them. If I can live a fabulous life and only work 16 hours a week, what more can money buy me?
I’m writing this sitting on the beach in Scarborough. The air is warm and calm and feels like spring. The sound of the waves crashing is gentle, and I can hear the birds singing contentedly.
Yesterday was an entirely different experience. There was wind, rain, and even hail. It was exhilarating and exhausting.
Life as a solepreneur
I have to be in the right head space to be creative. Calm, playful, relaxed. And being a solepreneur requires a huge amount of creativity. Partly because my speciality as the employment genie is to solve impossible work-based problems, which each require an entirely novel approach, but also because running a business requires us to design products and endless social media and networking.
But life, emotions and the journey of a solepreneur are more like the sea than a motorway. Endless opportunities but at times exhausting and scary.
Embracing creativity
In an attempt to fit into a man’s world, most women have tried to even everything out to be consistent and professional. To always be able to deliver the same thing and to control our environment rather than live in harmony with it.
But ignoring the seasons and the ebb and flow of our emotions has led to increasing levels of conflict at work, at home and in the world generally. Not to mention it’s created global warming.
Noticing the ebbs and flows
Few people who know me would doubt I can be strong and confident, do maths and law and lead – typically masculine attributes. And I’m glad I have these skills as part of my arsenal.
But my real breakthroughs in both business and my personal life are where I have begun to notice the ebbs and flows and more gently acknowledge them in myself and others.
When people ask me how I am, and I reply, “Fabulous,” they seem somewhat shocked – and of course, I have bad days. But it’s true I’m in a good place.
Mmm now I’ve written this blog, I might go and make myself a hot chocolate and read for a bit. Such a terrible life indeed 😊
About Aime
Aime Ayrehart is a bestselling author, founder of a trade union, and offers HR crisis management through Ninja HR. But her real passion is supporting female business owners to flourish. She started a female-run collaborative that has launched the Entrepreneurs Mindset Development Tool to help identify strengths and areas for development in a kind way, and through the Sasspreneur Club, we offer unique, cost-effective and accessible support to help you flourish – however that looks for you.
Winning in families can be defined in many different ways. For some, just getting through the day is a win, but many parents see winning as the recognition and glory that comes from the certificates, medals, trophies and accolades that result from being the best in class at something. This might be in an academic or sporting context, or in the arts or one of the many other recreational activities our children participate in.
A healthy dose of a winning mentality in families is good if it incentivises effort, focus and motivation. Sometimes pressure can be a catalyst for improvement, and a bit of natural adrenalin is a good thing; after all, that is how we are wired as humans. But what happens when this spins out of control and winning is too important?
As a parent who has experienced being in the highly competitive environment of elite sport, I have seen first-hand how families can fall on the wrong side of the winning mentality. Sport can bring out the best and the worst in parents, and many of the same issues translate into the much broader context of family life. Worryingly, some parents can see making packed lunches as competitive!
Why, as a culture, have we become so obsessed with winning?
Often, it’s becausewe are craving certaintyfor our children. We are anxious for them to succeed in a competitive world. How do we know they are going to ‘make it’? How do we know they are good enough to pass their exams or get selected for a team? What if they fail?
We want to know our children will have a happy, healthy and successful future, so we look for things to reassure us and give us confidence that they are on the right path. This generally involves benchmarking them academically, physically or emotionally against their peers. ‘Comparisonitis’ is a scourge of modern society, exacerbated by the nation’s obsession with social media, which permeates into our conscious and unconscious mind. We look at our own world through the filter of other people’s images and information about their seemingly amazing lives. It’s very easy to see our children’s success or failure as a reflection of who we are or what we are lacking in compared to others.
We have also developed an impatient culture where we are not prepared to wait for anything, and this also spills over into family life. We are impatient for results and unwilling to accept that along our child’s developmental journey sometimes making learnings and making gains takes time. Children should be celebrated when they begin something new. No one starts off being amazing at anything. It may sound counter-intuitive, but good things often develop from making it through tough times, and bad things can develop from too much pleasure too soon.
What happens to parents when winning is too important?
When the pressure of winning or the need to see our children succeed builds, we can start to lose our natural perspective about the things that really matter. We might start to get over-critical of our children or of ourselves, or maybe if we see small signs of progress, we begin to believe our children are going to be super-stars, irrespective of the reality of what they are really capable of.
The weight of expectation can weigh heavily on a young child, and they will pick up on this pressure not only via what we say but in terms of how we behave around them as they pick up on non-verbal cues, such as our body language. Before you know it, the thing they were doing for fun becomes a chore, you’re dealing with tears and tantrums, and they want to quit. Sometimes they will start to hide their true feelings as they don’t want to disappoint us or be told that how they feel is not acceptable. This is a dangerous path. Although setting the bar high can be good as it teaches children that they can do more than they think they are capable of, expecting too much and craving perfection is demoralising.
How does a parents’ need to win impact our children?
Sometimes the need for our children to succeed comes from issues from our own past. If we unintentionally use our children to heal our emotional wounds or issues about failure in our life, then it really is becoming all about us and not about them. It may show up as over-invested behaviour on the sideline at a sporting fixture when parents argue with the ref or make their small children feel ashamed or useless. This undoes all the good that sport has to offer. Children have an inner compass just like we do, and they know when they’ve messed up. They don’t need us to tell them.
Motivated by the need for our children to max out their opportunities to develop winning ways, ‘helicopter parenting’ may take over in the form of overprotecting and controlling behaviour. It’s an attempt to clear the path of anything that might challenge children or distract them from the ‘winning’ things we think they should focus on, and it prevents children from facing tough times or experiencing failure. It is hugely counter-productive as it deprives our children of resilience-building opportunities, which are a rich seam of character-building potential for the long term.
Alternative definitions of ‘winning’
Winning should also be about being rewarded for consistently making an effort, trying new things, learning how to lose, being kind, respecting others, showing humility, having fun, making new friends, overcoming setbacks, being teachable, being resilient, knowing when to say no. (There are many more.)
A more positive and more rounded parental perspective around winning and losing will develop our young children into happier, healthier, more confident individuals.It is down to us as parental role models to set the tone of what winning really means by establishing a culture at home that we demonstrate through our words and our actions. Remember, children do not do what we say, they do what we do. They have been mirroring our behaviour since the day they first smiled back at us as a baby.
10 Practical tips
Focus on the right stuff
Some of the most together children I know are raised in houses that are a mess, by parents who turn up late and wear mismatched socks. When parenting life becomes overwhelming, perhaps they knew what to let go and what to put first. Kindness matters. Socks…not so much.
Be patient
Lots of highly performing children were not always great as children develop physically and emotionally at different times. I have seen children who were timid and bottom of the class excel and achieve in their teens. (I have also seen superstar performers at 7 fade away to nothing.)
Do not assume they will want to follow in your footsteps
Children have different genes and different environmental influences. They are not you. Just because you were good at something does not mean they will be.
School doesn’t suit everyone
Accept that some children never fit into the sausage machine of school life, (my own daughter being one of them) and may excel in the real world beyond the confines of the classroom.
Take a break
Taking a holiday or just changing your environment is so important to reset your perspective when everything gets too much.
Establish boundaries
Everyone needs time to relax and just ‘be’, without the pressure of having to achieve anything.
Check in
If your children are obsessing about highly competitive activities are they doing this for the love of the activity, for you, or for themselves?
Focus on effort not on the end result
Always ensure children know you don’t think any less of them because they have failed at something. What matters is that they gave their best effort.
Build resilience
Never do anything for a child that the child can do for themselves; but don’t promote heroic individual strength of character either as they need to know you are there for them if times get tough. Expose them to as many varied opportunities to develop coping mechanisms as you can.
Use your intuition
As a parent you know your children better than anyone, and if something they are working towards doesn’t feel right and is making them unhappy then stop. Even if it works against the grain of securing their ‘winning future’ don’t worry, it will often be for the best. Be aware that our need to be certain of their future lowers our ability to put faith in our own resources and use our gut instinct.
Conclusion
No one can predict the outcome of a child’s future and whether they will succeed or fail at anything. However hard we try, however brilliant our advice and support is as parents, however good their teachers or coaches are, and whatever they say they will guarantee, the only thing we know for sure about ‘winning’, in whatever way you define it, is nothing is certain. So you might as well relax about it.
All we can do is create the optimum conditions and environment under which our children can flourish. Focus on getting the basics right – quality nutrition and regular hydration, love and support with a focus on fun, a good routine and a well organized environment at home. That is winning.
Following the Christmas festivities, the new year can feel a little daunting, not only as we prepare for the year ahead but also after a very busy and expensive time with presents, Christmas dinner and spending time with family and friends. For a lot of people, this is a time that they look forward to in the year, as it’s filled with a lot of joy. However, for others, it can be a difficult time either because they’re alone, struggling with their mental health, are grieving, or perhaps they don’t have a safe place to call home.
How we help
At YMCA Burton, we’re here to help anyone in our local community who needs our support in a time of crisis 24/7, 365 days of the year. Whether it be homelessness, needing an emergency food parcel, wanting to rebuild strained relationships in the home through mediation, needing affordable, good quality second-hand furniture or just having a safe place to have a cuppa, a chat and a hot meal, we are available at YMCA Burton to support in any way that we possibly can.
The heart of our services, Reconnect, which houses 31 units of accommodation, our Foodbank as well as our Family Mediation service and Counselling service. Opposite Asda on James Street in Burton on Trent.
There’s more demand than ever
With a strong reputation in the town of Burton-on-Trent for over 135 years, YMCA Burton has faced its highest demand to date across all of its services in 2023. Waiting lists have formed for the first time ever within our Family Mediation Service, the foodbank service has experienced its highest distribution figures in its 23-year history, and our accommodation has constantly been full. It reflects the incredible need for this type of support across the local community as well as the challenges that a lot of individuals and families are facing in their daily lives. This is the harsh reality at the moment, and without us, thousands of individuals and families in and around Burton would be in desperate need of support.
How you can support us
At YMCA Burton, we change lives. However, we can’t do what we do without the help and support of others, as donations are needed more than ever. There are multiple ways that you can support us, depending on the best way for you. This can look like a one-off monetary donation, you could become a monthly donor, giving whatever you can each month to continuously support our work and services. There are also options to donate items of food to our foodbank, leave a gift in your will or perhaps choose to become a volunteer. Whatever way you choose to support us will make a massive difference to our charity and ensure that we can continue to remain a central charity in our local community and help to change lives.
To find out more about our charity and our impact on our local community, head to our website: https://burtonymca.org/. Furthermore, if you’d like to help make a difference to someone’s life today, please contact our Fundraising & Comms team via fundraising@burtonymca.org / 07754045869
On behalf of all of us at YMCA Burton, thank you very much!
