Once upon a time, our ancestors gathered around fires to tell stories that kept them alive. It bonded the tribe so they’d all look after each other and know to watch out for that scary-looking tiger that came ‘this close’ to eating the storyteller. (I imagine it as the prehistoric version of ‘the one that got away’ after a fishing trip.) Sharing stories still helps us connect with other people, and that’s what marketing is all about. So, here are my tips on how to tell a good marketing story.
Choose a structure
Good stories have a structure that helps you understand what to expect. Starting a story with ‘once upon a time’ can be comforting if it’s a bedtime story or unexpected if it’s a LinkedIn post. Your story structure depends on whether you share a case study explaining how you solved a problem and the process or a post about a personal decision.
Jumping in at the most dramatic part of the story hooks your reader, and you can fill in the details later. Writing bullet points can help if you’re unsure where to start.
What does your story say about you?
A good marketing story shares your expertise but can also let your customers get to know you. When you write, ask yourself what the story says about you. You don’t have to be perfect; it’s better if you aren’t. Telling your audience about a mistake or a challenge and what you learned from it makes you more relatable because we all slip up sometimes.
I once agreed to work with a client because I needed the money, ignoring the alarm bells that told me they weren’t trustworthy. After several stressful months in which I did far more work than we’d agreed, they disputed my invoices. It taught me to pay attention to the red flags and do better research into potential new clients.
The ‘so what?’ test
It’s a harsh truth that your customers care more about themselves than they care about you. You might tell a highly personal story in your marketing, and the response could be a resounding ‘So what? Before you start, ask yourself what your audience will get from your story. Do you have shared experiences that will resonate? Have you solved a problem like theirs before? It could simply show them that you’re easy to talk to.
Start gathering stories
What stories could you share from your own life? They could be personal or business-related, but you should be able to create a business link to pass the ‘so what?’ test. I once set the satnav to take me to a shop on the outskirts of town. I’d visited before but was approaching it from a different direction. The satnav told me I needed to go straight on, but that felt wrong. Then, I looked up and saw a massive sign on the road to my left. It reminded me that sometimes, in business, you should follow your gut rather than a road map someone else has created.
If you want to tell a good marketing story, I can help.
When you work with me, I’ll get to know you and your business. I’ll suggest topic ideas if you need them, and we’ll spend half an hour a month (or longer if you prefer) chatting about your business and our latest topic. Then, I’ll write a post that sounds like the best version of you and that your audience will love. To find out more, email me to arrange a chat or book a call here.
Alternatively, sign up for my mailing list here, and you could win a free copy makeover.
You know that good customer service is vital to your business. You might think that marketing is all about bringing in new people, but it can also look after your existing customers.
It’s about going above and beyond basic information, like your delivery updates, booking confirmations and contact details. Here are my favourite ways to use your content marketing to look after your existing customers.
Product tips and tricks
Showing customers how to get the best out of a product they’ve already bought shows them you’re interested in more than their money. You want them to get the best results. Instructions on product use are essential, but you can enrich the experience with advanced tips or alternative uses. This could help you attract new customers and support existing ones with the same content.
Sudocrem did this in a recent advert. It’s famous as a nappy cream, but they showed how it can be used on injuries or for skin conditions.
Getting ready
Sometimes, the best way to support your customers is to help them prepare in advance. If they’ve booked a beauty treatment, you should provide safety information, but you can also offer advice on how to make their spray tan last longer or maintain their hair between appointments.
Holiday packing lists can reduce their stress, or if you sell meal kits, you could let them know what kitchen equipment they’ll need. You can use all of these as blog posts to give your audience a taste of the customer experience you offer. It’s even better if you recommend things you don’t sell, as it shows you’re not just looking to make another sale.
Destination guides
I love planning holidays and looking for fun things to do while I’m away with my family. We’ve had some holidays with Eurocamp over the past few years, and they send destination guides via email. Eurocamp design the guides for their customers, so they include details of the facilities and activities on site. However, they also tell you about other things to do in the area, how far away they are and what age group they suit. If I’d written something like this I’d put it on the website too, to attract people who haven’t chosen their destination yet.
I used to write blogs for a holiday park, where customers owned their static caravans. We got great feedback; customers felt the owners cared and wanted them to enjoy their time away.
User-generated content
Big brands often use user-generated content, which is a great way to generate social proof with minimal effort. Encourage your customers to use your product, take a photo of themselves and share it on social media with a hashtag that’s specific to your business.
If you’re sending a physical product, you could include an extra treat, like some sweets or a bar of chocolate, with their order. Alternatively, ask them to showcase the results they’ve achieved with your product by sharing before-and-after photos. You can offer an incentive, such as a discount or entry into a prize draw, for anyone who posts.
Repurpose everything
There’s more than one way to use your content. User-generated before and after photos can go into your emails, website and sales pages, as well as social media. Start with a simplified version of your destination guide on a sales page and create a longer one for customers who’ve already booked their holiday.
You can use almost anything in an email and a blog post. For example, if your customer’s meal kit is on its way, you can let them know what kitchen equipment they’ll need. It could also encourage people who are reluctant to try your product because they’re worried they’ll need lots of fancy kitchen gadgets.
If you want to create marketing content to look after your existing customers and speak to your target audience, I can help.
When you work with me, I’ll get to know you and your business. I’ll suggest topic ideas if you need them, and we’ll spend half an hour a month (or longer if you prefer) chatting about your business and our latest topic. Then I’ll write a post that sounds like the best version of you and that your audience will love. To find out more, email me to arrange a chat or book a call.
Alternatively, sign up for my mailing list here, and you could win a free copy makeover.
Using the right words on your website helps you attract your ideal customer and make more money. You’ll also enjoy your life more. You can work with people who get you instead of those who complain because your service wasn’t what they expected.
When you’ve gone to the effort of creating stunning words, it makes sense to make them go further. Here are five reasons why repurposing your website copy is a great idea.
It’s written with your ideal client in mind
Creating great website copy involves thinking about who your ideal client is and what they want that you can provide. Considering your customers’ needs, feelings, and aspirations lets you create copy that makes them feel understood and shows them how you can help.
The user experience is also an essential part of the marketing process. Is there a clear path to follow for people who are ready to buy or want to learn more before they decide?
It’s designed to reflect your brand
The way you want your brand to be perceived works alongside the information you have about your customers. You need to show your customers who they’re working with, what you stand for and what that means for them. For example, I get to know you and write anything you need. It’s a different experience from a blog writing service that takes your topics and writes a series of posts or a full-service agency that does everything in-house.
When you’ve worked on reflecting your brand on your website, it makes sense to repurpose your website copy and use it in other ways.
It lets you create the same feel online and offline
Print marketing is fantastic and can get you in front of your customers in a way that’s becoming more difficult online. An advert in a magazine that comes through your customers’ letterboxes or a leaflet in their favourite café or community venue can hit the spot. To paraphrase my friend Debbie Heron, who runs two successful magazines, “There are hundreds of social media platforms, thousands of TV channels but only one letterbox”.
Repurposing your website copy gives your customers the same experience wherever they find you.
You can use it in different ways
When repurposing your website copy, you’ll need to rewrite it to ensure it fits the platform where you share it. However, as long as you do that, you can use it in loads of different ways. You can share it in brochures and leaflets, repurpose it to create new blog posts and emails and break it down into social media posts.
As a result, you might find the process inspires new ideas.
You worked with a professional to create it
I say this with a sense of optimism as I hope you worked with a copywriter on your website or plan to at some point. A lot of the things I’ve shared in this post work better when you work with a professional. A website designer and copywriter will take you through the process of understanding your customer, branding and user experience to create a site that helps you attract new clients. It makes sense to reuse those words wherever you can.
If you want to create marketing content that speaks to your ideal customer, I can help. I get to know you and your business and tailor everything I write to your needs. Book a call here, and let’s have a chat about how that could work.
As someone who found out he had ADHD aged 41, I’ve spent my life trying to live as a neurotypical and wondering why the advice given by society has never worked for me.
Because of this, people with ADHD often feel like they are failing. I guarantee that if you find it frustrating working with a person with ADHD, they are finding it three times more frustrating!
With that in mind, here are five things I wish were more understood about people with ADHD. One note: every person with ADHD is different. These may not apply to everyone with ADHD. As with any individual, make sure you talk to them about their personal needs and never make assumptions.
We need to know why
If you ask us to do something, you’ll need to explain why. We’re not being obstructive; it helps us understand the bigger picture. We have an insatiable need for understanding, and by giving us this information, you will also allow us to work out alternative routes to the goal – which may well help you improve your processes.
Our working methods are not the same as yours
We don’t work in a linear fashion. A motivated neurotypical person, given a task and a deadline, will work steadily on the task until the deadline approaches.
People with ADHD can often seem to be procrastinating. Truth be told, sometimes we are. But more likely is that we’re using this time to work out a path to the goal in our heads.
This can manifest in the form of the person seemingly “not working”—spending time away from our desks, browsing on our phones, and making infinite cups of tea. As crazy as it may seem to a neurotypical person, this is part of our process. Most of us don’t understand why (oh, the irony!), but as long as this process isn’t interrupted, I promise you that we will get it done!
We may also need very specific working conditions. Some will need silence and space, others will prefer to have background noise and people around them. Providing the correct working environment will optimise our ability to work productively.
We need a deadline
In part because of our working methods, we always need a deadline. I finished writing one of my stand-up shows literally 20 minutes before I took to the stage to perform. This is standard for me.
A task without a hard deadline will never be completed. A soft deadline (“just get it to me when you’re ready”) isn’t a deadline. It’s optional.
This isn’t a conscious thought for us; it just happens. We find it as frustrating as you. Give us a deadline and some accountability, and you’ll get a finished product.
We’re not being lazy
People with ADHD are motivated by four factors: interest, challenge, novelty and urgency. If the task you’ve given us isn’t interesting or novel to us, then even if it’s challenging, the only motivating factor is urgency – hence the need for a deadline.
We’re generally not motivated by money or targets. I’m someone with a strong sense of responsibility towards others, and this can be either a motivating factor (if I’m interested in what I’m doing and/or the end goal) or a cause of stress and anxiety if I’m not.
Either way, we’re not being lazy—we suffer from something called executive dysfunction, which means that our brains will not allow us to do something if we’re not motivated by at least one of the four factors.
We can solve problems before you’ve even noticed them
Our biggest strength is that we can see into the future. We have this seemingly psychic ability to foresee bumps in road maps and to predict problems well before they occur. Rather than dismissing our concerns as negativity, a better idea is to talk these concerns through with us to a) make sure that we have a full understanding of the project in hand and b) help us come up with workarounds for these issues.
Guy Walsh is a neurodivergent multipotentialite and an empathetic distributor and is available to speak at events. Find out more at https://aguynamedguy.co.uk/speaker/
Does the phrase ‘content marketing strategy’ bring you out in a cold sweat? Yeah, me too and I write the content! It’s easy to overcomplicate things, but marketing only needs to tell people who you are, what you do and how that helps them. In practice it can be a bit more complex than that. So let’s make it easier. Thinking about your marketing foundations as the big topics helps you work out what you want to say.
Here are my building blocks for your big marketing topics
Why do your big marketing topics matter?
When I first started writing for a living my marketing had lots of useful tips and information about different types of marketing, but very little about how my services helped my clients. Working out what your big topics are helps you focus on what you do and how you help your customers. When your offer it clear your customers know what they’re going to get, so it makes it much easier for people to say “yes, I need that” and contact you to get started.
What products and services do you offer?
Your marketing can talk about different facets of the services and products you offer. For example, I might write about blogging, article writing, email marketing or website content. They’re all services I offer and my marketing can help people understand how they work.
You might have various products with different benefits. Identifying what they are or what groups they fall into helps you work out all the different subject areas you can talk about in your marketing.
Who are you?
I know you know who you are, but what do you stand for? What are your values? Think about the knowledge you’ve picked up along the way, the experience you’ve gained or how your story might resonate with your customers.
Sharing your stories can be a fantastic form of content in itself. However, you can talk about your values and share your experience in many different ways so getting clear on the fundamentals can make your writing better.
What do you want to offer?
You might look at your list of products or services and realise that while you could offer all of them, some of them leave you cold. Getting everything down on paper can help you create content but it also lets you review your business and what you want to offer. You might decide to offer a service if people ask but not include it in your marketing.
If it won’t light you up to offer the service or talk about the product, leave it out of your marketing.
What do your customers want?
Giving your customers what they want doesn’t mean offering services or selling products that you don’t want to. However, it is worth considering what they want or need that you can provide. For example, they might be overwhelmed because they’ve got too much to do and not enough time. They might have a problem that you can solve. Some of the benefits you offer could be tangible while others will be emotional. Think about who your customers are and how you help them.
I don’t do marketing strategy, but once you have a plan I can write the words that help you bring it to life. Book a call here and let’s have a chat about how that could work.
The title is a little cheeky. My reaction to people telling me I could make so much more money if I worked more hours.
I nodded, then ignored them. If I can live a fabulous life and only work 16 hours a week, what more can money buy me?
I’m writing this sitting on the beach in Scarborough. The air is warm and calm and feels like spring. The sound of the waves crashing is gentle, and I can hear the birds singing contentedly.
Yesterday was an entirely different experience. There was wind, rain, and even hail. It was exhilarating and exhausting.
Life as a solepreneur
I have to be in the right head space to be creative. Calm, playful, relaxed. And being a solepreneur requires a huge amount of creativity. Partly because my speciality as the employment genie is to solve impossible work-based problems, which each require an entirely novel approach, but also because running a business requires us to design products and endless social media and networking.
But life, emotions and the journey of a solepreneur are more like the sea than a motorway. Endless opportunities but at times exhausting and scary.
Embracing creativity
In an attempt to fit into a man’s world, most women have tried to even everything out to be consistent and professional. To always be able to deliver the same thing and to control our environment rather than live in harmony with it.
But ignoring the seasons and the ebb and flow of our emotions has led to increasing levels of conflict at work, at home and in the world generally. Not to mention it’s created global warming.
Noticing the ebbs and flows
Few people who know me would doubt I can be strong and confident, do maths and law and lead – typically masculine attributes. And I’m glad I have these skills as part of my arsenal.
But my real breakthroughs in both business and my personal life are where I have begun to notice the ebbs and flows and more gently acknowledge them in myself and others.
When people ask me how I am, and I reply, “Fabulous,” they seem somewhat shocked – and of course, I have bad days. But it’s true I’m in a good place.
Mmm now I’ve written this blog, I might go and make myself a hot chocolate and read for a bit. Such a terrible life indeed 😊
About Aime
Aime Ayrehart is a bestselling author, founder of a trade union, and offers HR crisis management through Ninja HR. But her real passion is supporting female business owners to flourish. She started a female-run collaborative that has launched the Entrepreneurs Mindset Development Tool to help identify strengths and areas for development in a kind way, and through the Sasspreneur Club, we offer unique, cost-effective and accessible support to help you flourish – however that looks for you.
You’re an expert at what you do, so it might be hard to remember when you were a beginner. However, when new people see your content, a few of them will probably be completely new to the kind of work you do. It’s worth thinking about ways to talk to them, so ask yourself: what do beginners need to know about what you do?
What knowledge helps people work with you?
Does your business help beginners, or is there an entry point that makes your working relationship easier? For example, selling a product is often quicker and easier if your customers know exactly what they need.
I don’t do marketing strategy, so I love it when people come to me with plans or already know their customers well. I can help with topics, but they’ve done the groundwork and know what they want their marketing to achieve.
What information can you share?
If your business offers training, your content can share your knowledge and give your customers a taste of the training they’ll receive. Even if you don’t train people, your marketing can educate them about what will help them work with you. For example, I talk about ways to get to know your ideal customer even though it’s not part of my core service.
Sharing the basics in a short guide or quick tips can also give your audience the confidence to contact you without worrying they’ll sound stupid or ask silly questions.
Use lead magnets
Lead magnets encourage people to sign up for your email list and can work in the same way as the rest of your content. A lead magnet doesn’t have to be complicated; the shorter, the better. The idea is to offer your audience valuable information that gives them a quick win when they put it into practice.
Creating a lead magnet that helps beginners who may want to work with you also means you only spend time emailing people who could be genuine customers.
Create products
You don’t always have to give information away for free. You can offer products even if you offer a one-to-one service like I do. For example, if you have a craft business, you might write about different craft techniques, equipment and how to get started. You can also create a beginner’s kit with a simple project, materials, and instructions that help customers learn and build confidence.
My version of this is in my eBooks, which include ideas for your content marketing and your Christmas posts.
Team up with other businesses
This is one of my favourite ways to work. Collaborating with businesses related to yours but that don’t offer the same service helps you reach a wider audience. You can share guest blogs on each other’s websites and social media feeds, organise joint events, or refer your clients to each other.
This approach can make your clients’ lives easier. If you’re a wedding photographer with a network of other wedding professionals, recommending people can save your clients time and stress. I work with marketing consultants and trainers, graphic designers, and web designers so our clients don’t have to build a whole team from scratch when they start a new project.
If you have a plan but lack the time or energy to turn it into new marketing content, I can help. I’ll write blogs, posts, emails, and whatever else you need to engage your audience. Head to my shop for eBooks with marketing inspiration. If you’d like to chat about how it works, you can book a call here.
If you’ve been creating marketing content for a while, you might feel like you’ve said it all. (I know I sometimes do.) However, your existing content can be a great source of new ideas. Here are some ways to find a new marketing angle on an old idea.
Revisit an old post
What do you see when you look back at your old blog or social media posts? Do they make you cringe because you’ve changed or learned more about your audience since you created them? You might find posts discussing issues that are still relevant but where your advice has changed. You can base a whole new post on the same topic, sharing the knowledge you’ve gained since then, and it’ll still be relevant to your audience.
Update a resources post
Sharing the tools you use can help your audience in multiple ways. Say you run a craft business selling tools and materials; showing people what you use yourself can help beginners and improvers. A hairdresser can share products and tools to help customers maintain their locks between appointments. I talk about software such as Grammarly, which helps me with my grammar, so you can use it when you write your own posts.
Expand a subheading
If you’ve ever written a post with some quick and easy tips, review it to see if you can expand on one of the subheadings. For example, some of my posts on writing a blog mention creating a good headline to catch people’s attention as a subheading. I expanded it into a full post on ways to do that. (https://www.kirstyfrancewrites.co.uk/write-a-headline-tips/)
You may have kept things short and sweet for a tips post, but expanding a subheading lets you share more of your expertise. You can also link between the two posts to improve your SEO.
Have industry updates changed how you work?
Looking back at old content, you might find that your advice has changed because of external changes in your industry. ChatGPT has impacted marketing, so you could create a post discussing the issues or recommending ways to use the technology. (https://www.kirstyfrancewrites.co.uk/ai-help-content-writing/)
There may also have been changes in the law that impact your customers and that you can educate them about. Legal changes might also mean people need to review their will or investments. You can contact existing clients, but sharing updates in your marketing could attract new ones.
Create new case studies
Case studies are a great way to show potential customers how you work and showcase the results you’ve achieved for others. When you review existing case studies, you might find that your process has changed with time or that you haven’t talked about a service that has grown in popularity. Creating new case studies with more recent clients ensures your content stays up to date. If you have business clients who are happy to go public and share that they’ve worked with you, it can be a great marketing opportunity for you both.
If you have a page full of ideas but lack the time or energy to turn them into new marketing content, I can help. I’ll write blogs, posts, emails, and whatever else you need to engage your audience. I’ll even look at your existing content to create new marketing ideas. If you’d like to chat to find out how it works, you can book a call here. Or, use the form below to sign up for monthly content writing tips straight to your inbox.
If you’ve ever run out of ideas, think about the questions you’re asked most often and write a blog or social media post to answer them. Your FAQs can be a great source of ideas, as if people are asking you in person, they’re likely searching for answers online, too.
Here are a few ways to turn your FAQs into new content ideas.
Expand the answers to your existing FAQs
Do you already have an FAQ page on your website? If not, think about creating one. The rest of this post should help you come up with ideas if you’re drawing a blank. If you’ve already got a page with short answers, you can share them as social media posts or expand them into a longer blog post or article.
For example, there may be a story behind why you take a particular approach, or you could expand on a process to let people know what to expect.
Link to your FAQ page
Linking between pages on your website is excellent for SEO and gives your visitors a choice about how much they want to read. For some people, a short answer might be enough, and they don’t want to wade through several paragraphs to find out what they want to know. Others might be interested in a more in-depth answer, so you can link from your FAQ page to a blog post to give them more information.
Check your client meeting notes
I make notes of every client meeting so I can remember what questions they asked, what information I gave them and what I need to remember to send afterwards. Sometimes, a potential customer might not get in touch because they’re afraid of asking a silly question. Answering the queries you’ve already had helps them to relax because they know what to expect.
If you don’t speak with new clients one-on-one, review your emails or messages to see what comes up regularly.
What do you hear at networking events?
You may have noticed that I network a lot. I always keep my ears open to understand what people struggle with because I can include details that show I understand my customers’ lives and provide tailored information about how I can help them.
Whether you attend in-person events or network online via Zoom or social media groups, see what questions and comments come up to see if they inspire a new topic idea.
Create a knowledge base
Sharing your knowledge is incredibly powerful as it shows your customers the benefits of your service and that you know what you’re talking about. It can also save you time. If a new client comes to you knowing that they need a particular product or service, it means you don’t have to answer lots of questions to help them make the right choice.
You could write about different products or explain how something works. For example, I write for an insurance broker and we create lots of different knowledge posts about how life cover or health insurance works. Their clients get to know the basics and then come to them for detailed advice.
If you’ve got a page full of ideas but lack the time or energy to turn them into new marketing content, I can help. I’ll write blogs, posts, emails and whatever else you need to engage your audience. If you’d like a chat to find out how it works, you can book a call here. Or, use the form below to sign up for monthly content writing tips straight to your inbox.
Winning in families can be defined in many different ways. For some, just getting through the day is a win, but many parents see winning as the recognition and glory that comes from the certificates, medals, trophies and accolades that result from being the best in class at something. This might be in an academic or sporting context, or in the arts or one of the many other recreational activities our children participate in.
A healthy dose of a winning mentality in families is good if it incentivises effort, focus and motivation. Sometimes pressure can be a catalyst for improvement, and a bit of natural adrenalin is a good thing; after all, that is how we are wired as humans. But what happens when this spins out of control and winning is too important?
As a parent who has experienced being in the highly competitive environment of elite sport, I have seen first-hand how families can fall on the wrong side of the winning mentality. Sport can bring out the best and the worst in parents, and many of the same issues translate into the much broader context of family life. Worryingly, some parents can see making packed lunches as competitive!
Why, as a culture, have we become so obsessed with winning?
Often, it’s becausewe are craving certaintyfor our children. We are anxious for them to succeed in a competitive world. How do we know they are going to ‘make it’? How do we know they are good enough to pass their exams or get selected for a team? What if they fail?
We want to know our children will have a happy, healthy and successful future, so we look for things to reassure us and give us confidence that they are on the right path. This generally involves benchmarking them academically, physically or emotionally against their peers. ‘Comparisonitis’ is a scourge of modern society, exacerbated by the nation’s obsession with social media, which permeates into our conscious and unconscious mind. We look at our own world through the filter of other people’s images and information about their seemingly amazing lives. It’s very easy to see our children’s success or failure as a reflection of who we are or what we are lacking in compared to others.
We have also developed an impatient culture where we are not prepared to wait for anything, and this also spills over into family life. We are impatient for results and unwilling to accept that along our child’s developmental journey sometimes making learnings and making gains takes time. Children should be celebrated when they begin something new. No one starts off being amazing at anything. It may sound counter-intuitive, but good things often develop from making it through tough times, and bad things can develop from too much pleasure too soon.
What happens to parents when winning is too important?
When the pressure of winning or the need to see our children succeed builds, we can start to lose our natural perspective about the things that really matter. We might start to get over-critical of our children or of ourselves, or maybe if we see small signs of progress, we begin to believe our children are going to be super-stars, irrespective of the reality of what they are really capable of.
The weight of expectation can weigh heavily on a young child, and they will pick up on this pressure not only via what we say but in terms of how we behave around them as they pick up on non-verbal cues, such as our body language. Before you know it, the thing they were doing for fun becomes a chore, you’re dealing with tears and tantrums, and they want to quit. Sometimes they will start to hide their true feelings as they don’t want to disappoint us or be told that how they feel is not acceptable. This is a dangerous path. Although setting the bar high can be good as it teaches children that they can do more than they think they are capable of, expecting too much and craving perfection is demoralising.
How does a parents’ need to win impact our children?
Sometimes the need for our children to succeed comes from issues from our own past. If we unintentionally use our children to heal our emotional wounds or issues about failure in our life, then it really is becoming all about us and not about them. It may show up as over-invested behaviour on the sideline at a sporting fixture when parents argue with the ref or make their small children feel ashamed or useless. This undoes all the good that sport has to offer. Children have an inner compass just like we do, and they know when they’ve messed up. They don’t need us to tell them.
Motivated by the need for our children to max out their opportunities to develop winning ways, ‘helicopter parenting’ may take over in the form of overprotecting and controlling behaviour. It’s an attempt to clear the path of anything that might challenge children or distract them from the ‘winning’ things we think they should focus on, and it prevents children from facing tough times or experiencing failure. It is hugely counter-productive as it deprives our children of resilience-building opportunities, which are a rich seam of character-building potential for the long term.
Alternative definitions of ‘winning’
Winning should also be about being rewarded for consistently making an effort, trying new things, learning how to lose, being kind, respecting others, showing humility, having fun, making new friends, overcoming setbacks, being teachable, being resilient, knowing when to say no. (There are many more.)
A more positive and more rounded parental perspective around winning and losing will develop our young children into happier, healthier, more confident individuals.It is down to us as parental role models to set the tone of what winning really means by establishing a culture at home that we demonstrate through our words and our actions. Remember, children do not do what we say, they do what we do. They have been mirroring our behaviour since the day they first smiled back at us as a baby.
10 Practical tips
Focus on the right stuff
Some of the most together children I know are raised in houses that are a mess, by parents who turn up late and wear mismatched socks. When parenting life becomes overwhelming, perhaps they knew what to let go and what to put first. Kindness matters. Socks…not so much.
Be patient
Lots of highly performing children were not always great as children develop physically and emotionally at different times. I have seen children who were timid and bottom of the class excel and achieve in their teens. (I have also seen superstar performers at 7 fade away to nothing.)
Do not assume they will want to follow in your footsteps
Children have different genes and different environmental influences. They are not you. Just because you were good at something does not mean they will be.
School doesn’t suit everyone
Accept that some children never fit into the sausage machine of school life, (my own daughter being one of them) and may excel in the real world beyond the confines of the classroom.
Take a break
Taking a holiday or just changing your environment is so important to reset your perspective when everything gets too much.
Establish boundaries
Everyone needs time to relax and just ‘be’, without the pressure of having to achieve anything.
Check in
If your children are obsessing about highly competitive activities are they doing this for the love of the activity, for you, or for themselves?
Focus on effort not on the end result
Always ensure children know you don’t think any less of them because they have failed at something. What matters is that they gave their best effort.
Build resilience
Never do anything for a child that the child can do for themselves; but don’t promote heroic individual strength of character either as they need to know you are there for them if times get tough. Expose them to as many varied opportunities to develop coping mechanisms as you can.
Use your intuition
As a parent you know your children better than anyone, and if something they are working towards doesn’t feel right and is making them unhappy then stop. Even if it works against the grain of securing their ‘winning future’ don’t worry, it will often be for the best. Be aware that our need to be certain of their future lowers our ability to put faith in our own resources and use our gut instinct.
Conclusion
No one can predict the outcome of a child’s future and whether they will succeed or fail at anything. However hard we try, however brilliant our advice and support is as parents, however good their teachers or coaches are, and whatever they say they will guarantee, the only thing we know for sure about ‘winning’, in whatever way you define it, is nothing is certain. So you might as well relax about it.
All we can do is create the optimum conditions and environment under which our children can flourish. Focus on getting the basics right – quality nutrition and regular hydration, love and support with a focus on fun, a good routine and a well organized environment at home. That is winning.